A Lesson in Sucking It Up

Today I went to church with Fernando and Andrea, and it's the most stressful thing I've done this trip. I am overwhelmed completely. My head literally hurts because my eyebrows were furrowed for nearly three hours...and I only met the youth group. Luvia and Heber were the only two people that spoke English to me except for Fernando and Andrea. Granted, I'm in a country whose primary language is not English. The world does not cater to me, so I need to suck it up.

Sucking it up is hard! I am afraid to speak Spanish or make eye contact with anyone who does speak Spanish because then I'll be in a situation where I do have to speak Spanish. Yeah. I'm afraid to look foolish. Fear is something that keeps me from doing my best because if I act silly and don't try my hardest, the ridicule will just be towards my silliness, not towards me. If I try my hardest and still do poorly, then that's where the embarrassment gets personal.

So why am I here? How can I spread the Gospel to people who don't know Jesus if I can't even muster up enough courage to speak to those who do? This afternoon the youth pastor talked about 2 Corinthians 11 and 12 where Paul boasts in his sufferings. (I follow Spanish much better when I can see the words...unfortunately life doesn't come with captions.) Anyway, Paul is boasting in his sufferings because sufferings are promised, and in his weaknesses, Christ is glorified. Christ shines through even more brightly when there is no way we can take credit for something because it is a weakness of ours. I know that I have a lot of weaknesses, and I really couldn't get past that as the sermon went on. I was drowning myself in my own weaknesses, and all the while, Jesus was whispering, "My grace is sufficient for you, and my power is made perfect in your weakness." I very nearly burst into tears as I begged Jesus to use my strengths instead.

That's not how He works, though is it? His ways are higher and better than my ways. Always (siempre). So I will press on. I'm here for a reason, and I'm not leaving before my work is done. I will not give up, and I will sing through this battle:
Mi oración en la batalla
Cuando el triunfo no puedo ver
Soy coheredero y conquistador
En Cristo permaneceré -- Te alabaré;Te alabaré! Contra mí nada prevalecerá...me gozaré...declararé: Dios es mi triunfo y Él está aquí!

A lot of you probably know this song. "This is my prayer in the battle when triumph is still on its way. I am a co-heir and conqueror in Christ, so firm on His promise I'll stand. I will bring praise! I will bring praise! No weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice...I will declare....God is my victory and He is here." So I'm battling. Who isn't? It's time to stop trying to pick myself up and allow Him to pick me up so I can keep going. Soy choeredero y conquistador en Cristo!!!

I'm not going to say I'm "ready" for tomorrow, but I know everything will be okay. I just need to relax and let God do His thing. I'm so grateful for His patience with me. So what about you? What are you fighting? Sometimes it seems easier to argue with God and beg Him to use your strengths instead of your weaknesses because we serve a God of mercy and grace. But it's much better for all persons involved in the long run if we choose to fight with Him against worldliness. Easier said than done, huh? Pero, con Dios todas las cosas son posibles!