Poderoso

Well I guess it's been almost 3 months since I have blogged. Have I been busy? Yes. Incredibly. Quick recap:
-Returned from Guatemala
-Wedding reception for my mom and Mark
-Returned to Ruston
-Basically watched Heroes and tried to recover from an upper respiratory infection for I don't know how long
-Vision Vacation
-Started building relationships with other students
-School
-More relationships
-School
-More relationships
-school...
-Doctor's appointments, etc.

Yes you get the idea...with a few nervous breakdowns and a return to counseling thrown in there, too. So now that we've established that life happens, let's get going!

It's been a roller coaster for me. My emotions have been the highest of high to the lowest of low, and I don't know that I could even identify what they are now. There are two things I know for sure (butterfly kisses is stuck in your head now isn't it?): 1. God has a good, pleasing, and perfect plan 2. He's NOT going to lay it out for me.

I think He's been trying to tell me this for a couple of years. I know He's teaching me how to trust. Duh, Katie, anyone who has ever read any of your blogs knows that you have trust issues with your Heavenly Father. Yes, well, I know I shouldn't have trust issues with Him, so it took me a while to really understand that I have been relying on my own strength to get me through a lot of what's going on in my life. I have some walls harboring unhealed sections in my heart.

So now what? What does it look like to walk in the freedom of obedience when my doctor throws out unlikely worst-case-scenarios about brain tumors? What emotional boundaries can I set when a boy is thrown into my life? What practical steps can I take to ensure school doesn't consume me? How do I rid myself of worry over finances? How do I stop obsessing over weight? What does it look like for me to allow myself to be broken over my past so that I can experience healing? At what level can I grieve over my health problems?

I look over these questions, and I feel guilty for not knowing the answers. Maybe I even feel guilty for asking them. I feel keenly aware of all of my inadequacies, but maybe that's a good thing. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I know that You are for me; I know that You are for me. I know that You would never forsake me in my weakness. I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me Who You are.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Eph 3:20-21